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Monday, July 30, 2012

Wishing for a manic monday


Today is Monday. Let’s make all the days between my last blog and today a 4. Maybe yesterday was a 3. I had the biggest, longest, and possibly worst blackout of my life on Saturday. I just don’t know my body anymore. I’m trying to shake it off but the shame is sticking pretty heavy this time.

I’m sinking into a 3 today, the immobility is strong and my unhealthy habits are just as strong. As always I feel trapped and helpless and frustrated. I tend not to write because I hate the broken record I am during these times.

I’ve been thinking a little about tracking down some help. I’d like to be able to be involved in some kind of study. That’s in part to my secret vanity. I think someone should study me.

Now I’m done for now.

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