Fighting for a 5

Yesterday was a 4. Definitely a 4. Which means I’m missing the key number 5. Where di 5 go? Yesterday started out ok, maybe hovering around a 5 in the morning. Then I went to the gym and got measured. After a year of gym membership and 7 months of personal training and hundreds of dollars that I don’t have anymore, I lost 2 lbs and gained a percentage of fat. I bet I still have high cholesterol too. That led to the feeling that the stress and schedule of my job prevented me from being healthy. That led me to the thought that I’ve given so much of myself to my career and it’s given me nothing but a stress disorder. This made me feel bad. Feeling bad led me to eat half a box of mac and cheese and half a bottle of whiskey and top it off with 2 cheesy gordita crunches. Depression achieved.

I told myself today would be better. I’d wake up with fresh energy and a positive outlook. I didn’t. I woke up confused as to what day it was and where K was and if I’d missed my opportunity to make him coffee. I swung in and out of dreams such as the one where I was pushing my little sister to school on a rolling office chair in the snow. It could have been one of my awful nightmares, but it still didn’t inspire my Wednesday.

So it looks like I’ll be fighting today; fighting my way up to a 5. We’ll see how it goes.