I do not want “me” time. I do not like hanging out with me. When I am by myself I am not happy, especially if I’m not busy. If I can keep myself increasingly busy while alone, I can stand myself. It’s those quiet times when you sit there in awkward
silence with your own reflection. I get lonely quickly and easily the way I also get cold in the winter. The cold and the lonely stick with me no matter what I do to warm myself.
“You need a hobby!”
Is that really the root of my sadness? Is the fact that I don’t kni
t what is causing this hole in my heart? Could I simple buy some yarn and needles and knit the hole shut, or make a nice crocheted patch for it? Could I paint a portrait of a whole heart and make it come to life? I reckon I may need to go for a tou
gher medium, metalsmithing. A blowtorch and welder would surely reinforce it, make it stronger.
“Being sad is my hobby.”
Well why not? I’ve been practicing for years. When I’m not busy, I’m being sad. Unfortunately that hobby doesn’t result in any trinkets or scarves that I can give to my family for xmas. In fact, it doesn’t do much for anyone.
To be a bit more serious, I have tried finding hobbies. The thing is, I want to try everything. I just bought needle felting items and made a small… whatever.
I want to learn block printing and I dream about owning my own greeting card company. I want everyone in the world to read my comic strip. I want to have a xmas tree of all handmade ornaments. I want people to look forward to my one of a kind gifts. But with everything I try it exists only as a brief fling. Nothing, so far, has grabbed me in such a way that I wanted to commit to it, put down the other hobbies and focus on one. I suppose this is a recurring theme in my life. I get bored easily. In fact, I’d be surprised if this blog lasted until the end of the year.
Where should I go to find this kind of commitment? What switch inside myself will allow me to settle down? Find a hobby. Find a partner. Find happiness.
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