I’m left to wait. I hate waiting more than anything in the world. Well I also hate being stood up. I’m not in control of this situation. He claims that I have control of my mood and emotions and doesn’t understand why I don’t just turn on happy. I have nothing to be happy about. I am not going to smile. I am not in any position to smile.
I get nothing. I lose. I know that this is a pessimistic way of looking at things but let me sulk for awhile. My forward progress with my love life has halted, put in reverse, and taken out of my hands.
I can’t see my boyfriend when I want to. I can’t talk to him about how I’m feeling or rely on him for comfort or support. I can’t seek confidence inducing comfort in someone else’s arms or even distract myself by going out on fun dates with people because I’m still taken by someone. I will still be chastised for spending time with people I’ve slept with and reminded that guys don’t want to be my friend, they just want to fuck me. He’ll still make me feel like less of a person because I’m sad and lonely. He’ll still tell me I have no right to be lonely because I have such great friends. I’m still scared to be honest with my feelings because of his temper.
What the fuck do I get? I should have at least negotiated for a restaurant gift certificate or free oil change.
I hear you describe him as your boyfriend, but don't understand how you use the word. He doesn't sound like a friend (in the scenario you describe.)
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