I’ll admit to it. I get jealous when he’s out with friends. It’s an argument we may get into for forever. He has “guy friends” who he wanted to spend “guy time” with. The thing is I don’t have “girl friends” to spend “girl time” with. In fact, I don’t think I’ve ever used the phrase “I’m hanging out with the girls tonight.” I don’t know if I ever will. I’ve always gotten along better with guys, always had more guy friends than anything. Which brings me to my second point of this mostly frustrating blog tonight:
Every guy who sees me wants to sleep with me. This is not a vain proclamation. This is what my boyfriend confessed to me on Wednesday. Every guy who I consider my friend just wants to have sex with me. Except Steve. Because somehow Steve gets a pass. And my boyfriend should know because he’s a guy and all guys are the same.
This bothers me for two reasons: 1 –It makes me feel worth nothing. For someone who has some serious self confidence / “been used” issues, this makes me feel like what I always feared and didn’t see is true, I’m not good for anything but sex. That’s a confidence destroyer. 2 –All guys aren’t the same. A few days ago a good looking, intelligent guy came over to drink copious amounts of Jameson and decorate my tree with me. We drank, we decorated, we took funny pictures, we slow danced to xmas music and laughed at the music on TV. We had a beautiful night. And then he went home. No sex whatsoever. It was the night I wanted to have with my boyfriend.
The second thing I’ll admit to tonight is that I write this lame blog from a point of frustration and jealousy which means I’m not looking at the rational side of this right now. I’m just being lonely. Because I’m a lonely person looking for the other half to complete me and worrying that he wants to be out with friends rather than curled up next to me.
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