I’m feeling better now. I drank the remainder of the liquor in the apartment and fell asleep before it took hold. The morning came early but without the familiar pain in my head that last night’s drinking usually invites. These days I would fall into the category of “morning person” and as much as I hate falling into categories, this is one that wouldn’t bother me so much.
The night allows all the sediments of anxiety, anger and frustration, fear to sink to the bottom and in the morning it all feels clean and new. I could make anything of today that I want. I am usually eager and aware quickly as to not miss a moment. During the day I will inevitably stumble and kick up some of the dirt from the days before. It will start lightly and I try to tread carefully. At some point though, when the day before me is short and I start to see my plans becoming impossible I stop caring about all the mud in the water because it doesn’t seem like I could fix it if I tried. Then I quietly fall asleep, scared that I may not wake up.
Checking the clock it is 8:05p and I am sitting in my dark office alone where I have been for most of the day. 12 hours now in fact. I turned off the overhead fluorescent lights to give my eyes a break and a change of scenery. My desk is still a mess and it’s the time of day when I see my to-do list stall. I’ve got 2 more hours in front of me to try to make something of my time here and I’m not feeling very optimistic. My lack of exercise and poor diet choices make me feel worse and I’m worried about slipping into another mood.
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