Where did I put those nice clothes?

I just gave my patient fiancé a speech about how and when I lost my passion for theater. You see the show just started and I don’t care. When I was first a PM I was making it up as I went along. Each day was a different adventure and no matter what bs I was spouting from my mouth, I was confident about it. I look back at those times and I am amazed I even got through it. I look at that small stage that’s only 25’ deep and wonder how I did 3 full stage trusses with moving lights.

One thing I pointed out was something my dad taught me. You should dress up for every show. If the audience will ever see you, you must look put together. He would wear a nice black t-shirt and a suit jacket for every show. I would wear heels and a skirt if I was running spotlight. I was 100% invested in the show, no matter who or what it was. I would superman change backstage at the last minute and turn heads as I walked out of the dressing room. I was accessible and forward. I was in charge.

Somewhere along the line I lost that. I lost the meaning that each show held for me. I lost the feeling of accomplishment that the applause gave me.

This week is a long week for me, somewhere between 70-80 hours. I’m going to work to try to find some meaning in those hours. I’m going to be available all the time. And for opening night, I’m going to dress up. And the second show. And the third and last show. I’m going to meet everyone in the cast and let them know who I am. I’m going to be a part of something.