I took Monday off this week. I tried to relax and renew at my future in-laws house. But seeing as it wasn’t an official day off and no one really knew where I was or if I was going to be in the building, I had a hard time relaxing. Tuesday I was back at work. Got in a bit later than I wanted and was floored by a disrespectful e-mail from a co-worker. It set the tone for the day and it never got better. I felt defeated and not appreciated. I didn’t love this job anymore and it upset me to no end. How am I supposed to be an inspiring leader when I hate coming in every day? The obvious solution was to waste most of my day doing nothing at work, brooding, and then come home and drink myself shitfaced and weepy. This was the direct cause of yesterday’s disaster which was my throwing up continuously for 8 hours. The only brightness of yesterday was my amazing fiancé bringing me grape propel and velveeta shells and cheese. He took care of me like I was legitimately sick, not hungover from my self-punishment the night before.
So now it’s Thursday morning. I got to work at 7:30 and I’ve got 4 days of work to do today. It’s insurmountable. The feeling of deadlines on my shoulders, disrespect in co-workers glances, and my own feel of self-worth makes this day seem impossible. It’s a horrible cycle that can only end badly.
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