Marbles for everyone

12/5/12 12:13 PM

I’m 31 years and 8 months old. I’m 5’3” and I weight 151 pounds.

Last time I was in Harrisburg for a week of work, I somehow grew up. It felt as if I had my emotions in control for the first time. I stopped poking K for attention. I started being honest and not hinting. I felt mature. I started to say things and wonder where they had come from. The changed surprised me as much as K and the people around me. I felt peaceful.

I couldn’t explain it. Only speculate. It was the first time I had a few days away from home by myself. I could focus on me. But I wasn’t trying to change, it just happened.

I’m back in Harrisburg at the same hotel and it’s Wednesday. I realized that I’ve been taking care of myself more than I have in quite awhile. Gym twice, eating healthier, not drinking myself into a lonely stupor. I’m not sleeping well but I’m working on it. Not drinking caffeine before bed, not going to bed drunk.

I guess Harrisburg is my city of change.

And it’s come just in time. I noticed my pants getting tighter and then I started getting worried about putting on my wedding ring. Then my pants wouldn’t close. Then my cholesterol came back as 245. It’s high. Way high. I had enjoyed months of not making myself guilty about food, or drink, and not exercising. I had been pissed off at the gym for not giving me results.

So on Monday I got on the treadmill for the first time since Sept 19^th. Wow. 3 months. I started at my normal pace and realized I couldn’t run more than 20 minutes. It was defeating. How far I’d fallen! Today’s 30 min on the elliptical was better.

I know I can get back to where I was. I know it. I just need to commit in a positive manner, not commit by burdening myself with guilt and putting myself down.

I’m going to do it maturely this time.