I just poured myself my third drink. It's 8:49p on a Wednesday night. I had to look up what day it was because I've lost track. To be very honest, I thought it was October already. It is not.
I'm drinking because I found my hand shaking and my eyes watering without my control. I am drinking to calm myself down. To not hate myself right now. To use that juice my mom gave me.
He's driving home right now. I am ashamed that I had a drink or 3 even though it's been awhile. Ever time I need to fix myself I feel guilty.
He thinks I have a drinking problem. He's never come out and said it but I'm not blind. He's made illusions to it and at time not been very subtle.
I don't think I have a problem but then again I'm aware that it's what people say when they do.
It's a viscous circle. Do I quit for a month again to prove it? Is there a certificate that I can get for not being an alcoholic?
How do I explain that it's better than the alternative?
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