Sun inside

I don’t know where exactly the positive energy came from but I can guess. Good workout today. The weather was warmer and breezy and sunny. I didn’t have to go into work until 2p and I’m in a decent place with my workload. I slept ok last night. And more than anything it will only be two days until I can hold my love’s hand. There is a light at the end of the tunnel and I’m looking forward to it more than anything.

He brings balance to my life. Balance and purpose. Peace. The world is not as bright when he’s not near me. He is my everything.

Nothing to say

There is no way to improve myself right now while I’m slogging through this depression. I have gained 2 pounds. I am drinking way too much. I am getting agitated and angry. I am not getting enough done at work. My fingers are a mess. I haven’t updated my comics or my blogs. I’m not sleeping well. I want to cry. I do cry. Nothing helps.

Grazing 5

I’d love to say I’m great right now but that’s not exactly the truth. I suppose I’m a lot better off than some others but in my internal scale of happiness, I’m barely grazing the 5. My sleep had been pretty bad since he left. It’s like my body is looking for any excuse not to sleep. Too hot, too cold, too uncomfortable, need to go to the bathroom, need to get a drink… And that’s after I drag myself away from the nightly marathons of crime TV. My diet? Let’s just say I’m trying to live off of breaded chicken and ranch dressing. My fingernails? Gone. I haven’t seen a decent fingernail on my hand in weeks. My drinking? Constant with a dose of binge. These are all signs of depression. But I thought this should be better. Or is this better? Would I be at home refusing to go to work and eating bags and bags of peanut butter cups?