Yes. Really I've come a long way. I'm a million times better at being a housekeeper/house manager. I change the sheets every week. EVERY WEEK! That's adult shit right there.
But some days. Some days it's 10:30a and I've had a couple of shots. I did them because I wouldn't be able to get out of the house today and the guilt and shame of calling off of all my jobs would be too much.
I'm always managing how not to get to "too much."
And I'm only drinking to confuse my mind, slow it down a bit, so it doesn't jump to the sadness too quick.
This morning he made a joke about a plastic gem being the size of the nose ring he was going to get me. Innocent fun. My mind jumped to the gorgeous, perfect for me, diamond necklace that he got for me. It's now lost. Guilt. Shame.
